8 Tips To Break Up With A Man: Don’t Be Ambiguous
so do you just pull the trigger, kill this relationship
dead and move on? No, take a moment. Look at what
you used to have between the two of you and what
you've got now. Make a list of where you two have
gone off the rails. Seeing your problems in black and
white helps you put things in perspective.
The next question to ask yourself is do you want to put
things back on track? If you think with some tweaking,
you can get your relationship running smooth, then it's
worth doing, isn't it?
You've assessed how you feel, now for the tough stuff.
Talk to him about the way you feel and the changes for
the worse you've noticed. Even if he's neglecting you,
there may be a relationship worth saving. Guys get
wrapped up in their own lives and that makes them
dense to everyone around them. They may not even
know they're doing you harm. Also guys are not
talkers. His turning away from you could be indicative
of his fears. He may be worried things are moving too
fast and this is his way of slowing things down or it
could be something outside of your relationship that's
sucking up his energy. Either way, get to the bottom of
the problem. But if you've tried getting through to him
and you've tried to make changes for the better and it's
all failed, then jump ship
Hopefully, he'll respond to you pointing out that you
two are in trouble, but there's also a chance he's not
interested and he doesn't care. Then, whether you like
it or not, you have hit the end of the road. If it isn't
working for you, then go.
Check your happiness barometer. If the needle is
pointing to storm clouds all the time instead of the
smiley sunshine face and you can't see a way of
swinging it back, then you've got a problem. Happiness
is a state of being we all should strive for; after all, life
is short and can only be made longer by misery. That's
not a great way to attain immortality. If your job sucks
and it's bringing you down, then change jobs. If you
don't like where you live, move. The same applies to
relationships. If you're miserable and you can't see a
way around it, break up.
Ending a relationship is never easy and requires though
and strength. It's going to leave a wound, but you'll
eventually heal.
1. Make A Clean Break
OK, you've decided it's over. You want to start fresh
and meet someone compatible. This is the real tough
bit. Actually ending it. It's not going to be fun, but you
have to be courageous. You have to actually say the
words, "It's over." There can't be any confusion.
There's no good way, but some ways are better than
others.
2. Be Direct
If you want to end the relationship, tell him face to
face. No post-it notes on the refrigerator for him to find
when he comes home to an empty house or letters from
lawyers. The only exception to this rule is if you
suspect he may become violent. But at least leave a
phone message explaining yourself
3. Don't be ambiguous. I can't stress this enough. Too
many women don't want to hurt their man's feelings or
try to soften the blow, so they wrap the discussion up in
vagaries. They say things like, "Things aren't working
out right now, but that doesn't mean I'll always feel
that way." He walks away thinking he's still got a
chance when there isn't one or wondering whether the
relationship is really over. The more humane thing is
just to say it straight. Don't disguise what you mean.
4. Where To Break The News?
Choose a place for the break up where both of you are
comfortable and there are no distractions. This may be
in your home, but your home can dilute the importance
of what you're saying. Your home is a familiar place
and the break up loses significance. It can be seen as
just another argument at home. So what's new? Instead,
take him somewhere quiet you can talk. I would steer
clear of restaurants because if it turns into an ugly
scene, no one needs to see it. And don't take him to one
of his favorite places to do it either, or broadcast it over
the public address system during a Yankee's game.
That's just cruel.
5. Tell Him What Went Wrong
I say this for two reasons. You guys didn't work, but
hopefully he can learn from his mistakes and succeed
with someone new. And again, it removes the element
of ambiguity. You are leaving him because he never
does anything for you, he doesn't pull his weight, he's
inconsiderate of your feelings, he's unsupportive of
your career, he demeans you in public, etc. Whatever
the reasons, tell him what they are. This isn't so you
can be vindictive, but as I've said before, guys aren't
mind readers. He may not even be aware of his
behavior. Now this isn't an excuse, but if he isn't
aware, he should know. You might even ignite an
epiphany. He might surprise you and want to change his
ways.
Of course, if you catalog his shortcomings, be prepared
to receive a list of yours. Don't get angry or defensive,
just listen. There my be some valid points in what he's
telling you.
6. Be Adult About The Breakup
Don't tell him it's over by introducing him to your new
man or having one of your friends or family members
tell him. Breakups are bad enough. They don't need an
element of revenge.
7. Also, keep it civil. I know that's easier said than
done, but if you take a methodical and reasoned
approach to breaking up with him, it's harder for a war
of words to break out. It won't enable you to leave with
smiles and hugs, but at least your CD collection won't
be thrown out. At the end of the day, you may not
leave as friends, but you should be able to bump into
each other on the street and not unleash a bout of
Tourettes.
8. Wrap It Up
Relationships fail, but that doesn't mean you're a
failure. You shouldn't stay with someone if you're
miserable. Happiness should be your life's goal and a
good relationship factors into that equation.
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