5 Reasons Your Wife Won’t Have s*x with You
do, haven't done and can learn with flair.
1.
Women need you to listen, they need you to remember
and they need you to say thank you. We are not asking
for much here.
You need to listen. A woman needs you to listen to
their dreams, their concerns, the way a day has made
her feel and the aftermath of her successes and failures.
Listening to your wife is one way of showing her that
she is not just a reflection glanced upon at the end of
each day. It is a way of communicating to her that you
know she is complete and important and of worth.
You need to remember. And I am not just talking
birthdays and anniversaries. (Although I would strongly
suggest you don't forget those.) Of course, every now
and then remember to bring home your wife's favorite
flower or a packet of those pens she loves or tickets to
that concert she mentioned a few months back. It is
amazing what the simplest gesture will do for a woman
that loves you. Also remember who your sweetheart is,
remember where she hopes to go, who she hopes to
become. And then on the days when the world gets too
big and the rooms are too small she can call on you and
you can help her remember, too. It is amazing what
striving to understand the woman you love will do for
the life you have together.
You need to say thank you. It can be a tiring place, this
happily ever after. Yes, there is love and there are
kitchen dances and sweet cream baby cheeks. But there
are also sleepless nights and mortgages and post baby
stretch marks. Thank her for every long day and long
night. Thank her for every smile and laugh out loud.
Thank her for your babies. Thank her for the dreams
she pursues and the ones she puts on hold. Gratitude is
often an action. Show it by washing the dishes, playing
with her hair, giving her time and holding her hand.
But every once in a while knock her socks off by
actually saying, "Thank you."
Men! Those three things! That is romance! That is
courtship! That is love! And you know what gets
women hot?
ROMANCE. COURTSHIP. LOVE.
2. Take her out on a date at least twice a month. Put on
spiffy clothes and take her to a restaurant, museum,
movie or stroll around downtown. Open her door and
put your hand on the small of her back. Be the boy she
fell in love with and she will be the girl that made your
heart race. Making out in the car before driving home
(while optional) is strongly suggested.
3. If you want your wife to treat you like a man, you
have to act like a man. Your wife did not marry you in
order to raise you. She does not live to wash your
dishes, pick up your socks or put the kids to bed by
herself while you watch the game for "just five more
minutes". (Although she will happily do all of those
things once in a while just because she can.) You are
not her project or responsibility. There is nothing
sexually appealing about a person that means more
work, more worry and less freedom.
Your wife married you because she decided her life
would be richer and more meaningful with you as a
partner. Stop trying to prove her wrong. You are her
ally in adventure, tedium, fear, joy, laundry, dishes,
children, lack and plenty. There is no such thing as
women's work or men's work. There is only your life's
work together and she needs you to roll up your sleeves
and dig in right alongside her. Cook dinner, change
diapers and kiss bruised knees. You will be amazed at
how much more happily (eagerly!) a woman will share
her body when she knows you are there to share all the
big and small parts of her life.
Side note: If I hear one more of you say you are
"babysitting the kids" while your wife is gone, I will
start handing out copies of The Feminine Mystique.
(And nobody wants that.) They are your kids as
thoroughly as they are hers. You aren't babysitting, you
are parenting. When she leaves don't make her feel
guilty, don't ask her to take the baby with her (she will
if she wants to) and don't text or call to ask when she is
coming home. They are just children, for heaven's
sake. I think you can handle it.
4. She needs a moment in each day that is just about
her. Your wife needs time and space, two things that
are in short supply in a life full of work and play dates
and pick ups. She needs room to breathe, create, to stop
and do nothing at all. Every woman is different. Some
of us dive into bubble baths, others walk under the stars
and some (this one included) write until they find
themselves at the end of a sentence. Remind her to
escape. It will help her remember she wants to come
back. When she returns she will be rejuvenated and
renewed, the absolute opposite of, "Not tonight, honey.
I am too tired." Hint. Hint.
5. It isn't any blasted fun. Yikes. There it is. The
elephant in the room. Women are more likely to want
to have s*x when an climax is involved and too often, it
is not. For reasons unknown, the female climax has
been shrouded in a cloak of mystery and unattainability.
(In case you were wondering, the cloak is made of
polyester and really doesn't breathe well.) I have to lay
the blame for the perpetuation of this myth at the feet
of men. I believe the accepted reasoning goes
something like this: "Female se*uality is very different
from male se*uality therefore the workings behind it
must be impenetrable." (IMPENETRABLE! I am
sorry. I couldn't help myself.)
This, of course, is not true.
I had a professor that once gave the perfect description
of the differences between the two sexes, ahem, "get up
and go". He said male s*xual arousal and climax was
like turning on a light. Locate the switch, turn it on,
and let there be light. Mr. Professor then said female
s*xual arousal and climax was more like flying a plane.
Once you get in the cock pit you have to flip switches
and buttons in the right sequence in order to prepare for
takeoff. The process is slightly more involved and yes,
you have to get a feel for it. But once you do… holy
cow, the sky is the limit. (Oh my gosh, I hope my Dad
stopped reading two paragraphs ago.)
Don't be intimidated. At any given moment most men
can explain the rules behind the BCS, know what is
happening under the hood of their favorite car and
quote stats from sports people only care about when the
Olympics comes around. You guys are capable of
processing information and applying it in life. That is
the only skill needed here. No magic involved. Educate
yourself. Read a few books. Ask her questions. Women
have been having orgasms since, you know, there were
women. The how to's are not a secret. Don't be
embarrassed. There is nothing cringe inducing about
making your wife and her needs a priority. You are
learning together and my goodness, could you ask for a
better lesson plan? Practice makes perfect. I hate to say
it. But to get good at s*x you need to have a lot of s*x.
I know, such a burden.
Hello again, sir. How are you doing? Did I say climax
too many times? I am so sorry.
climax.
Alright, so maybe you haven't been at the top of your
game the past few hours, days, weeks, months or,
ahem, years. One of the purest joys of life is our ability
to change for the better. Start now. Leave the TV off,
take a break from the video games and postpone that
camping trip. You have work to do and what a great
work it is.
And my goodness, isn't she worth it?
Hell, yes.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless handheld from Glo Mobile.
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