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BREAKUP LETTER TO MY EX GIRLFRIEND

Dear Ex lover,
I am tired of trying to make this relationship work. In the last
couple of months I have given this relationship my best. I was
going to introduce you to my parents, and seek their blessing
to take our relationship to the next level but alas, that plan
must change because I now see you for who you truly are.
Your warm embrace has become very cold. Your smile has
become a deafening smirk and without a warning my life
changed. Now I know that the love you professed was just to
steal my joy away.
You made the idea of becoming a 'bad boy' look so attractive,
you even pointed me to a few role models. Some were tagged
gangsters others fell to the category of celebrities, but they all
had one thing in common- they were headed for hell and even
with that you never informed me. You encouraged me to get
high on cheap beer and spirits which never failed to take me
to cloud nine. Now I am confused because my beautiful
dreams have been replaced by the night mares in which I am
the major character. Sometimes, I wake up screaming and I
feel so lost and confused all because of you.
The other day, I went to bed with the strange woman you
introduced to me. We spent the night exploring various
positions, after the missionary journey, we went sixty-nine
(69), barrel, doggy, elephant, scissors and many other
positions that didn't even have names. I guess the energy
came from the drugs you had prescribed, the ones I so naively
took. Come the following day, I woke up to realise the
damsel's name was frustration and I had entered into her cave
unprotected. Our illicit affair continued because frustration
refused to let me go, it was a case of pleasurable pain, I was
held captive. You were never there whenever I needed you
and so I continuously turned to the booze and poison stick.
These days I'm good at avoiding events and places. I don't
want to blame you for what has become of my life but I
realise that you led me to this point in my life. A point where
I look back and realise I had been living a mediocre life,
others had made new and major achievements worth boasting
about yet I had none to equally put up. You had set me up
with confusion and frustration and then distracted me from
seeing joy and success. With this union, I had become your
best painting, like Michael Angelo; you took pride in calling
me your Mona Lisa.
These days, nobody wants to associate with me and I don't
blame them. I won't associate with me either. Confusion has a
terrible stench, an odour not comparable to that of frustration
and failure, but you made them my constant and only
companion. I ran from those who loved me and remained in
the solitude of your presence. The thought of killing myself
had become louder in my head and just like confusion,
frustration and mediocrity, the thought gave that same feeling
of pleasurable pain. My way out was drug overdose and right
before I went through with the plan, I met your nemesis.
He was dressed in a white robe, His face shone and he told
me he was a prince, the prince of peace. I don't think he was
lying because in his presence I felt so much peace. For the
first time in a long time, I didn't know what confusion,
frustration and mediocrity smelt like, they had become
strangers, gone for good and so were you. The prince told me
that you are a master manipulator, a high profile fraudster and
a cold-blooded murderer. He told me that I was made for
much more than I was experiencing.
Lucifer, break ups are never easy but I have to go. Our
relationship has caused me so much pain and heartache; it's
not easy for me to turn my back on the green bottle and the
weed. It's not easy for me to turn my back on the scumptous
arsenal or the delightful bakassi of the ladies but I would try.
You promised me many things, never did you deliver on them
and for the things I got from you, you took even far more
from me and with that I no longer remain indebted to you in
anyway.
Please don't take this the wrong way; this break-up is not
about you but about me. I am sure there is someone out there
that was made for you and I know that I am not the one.
Your ex-lover,
Me
P.S: I have sent your stuff via FedEX; you don't have to come
to my place for any reason.
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